About Me

Hello and welcome to my blog. x

I'm Transgender. I live the majority of my life as a male but also have a need to express myself as a female. I'm not transitioning, but sometimes wish I was.

I live in the UK and share a house with my long term girlfriend and our cat. I told her about 'the other me' in 2012 after being with her for 9 years, and its still one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm still fairly in 'the closet', I do get out from time to time but close friends and work are still in the dark, and probably will be for the foreseeable future.

For my other interests I love aggressive or atmospheric dance music (Techno, Drum & Bass, etc), and produce as well as DJ. I don't really fit the stereotype of dancing around my handbag to Shania Twain I'm afraid, it doesn't matter how much 'I Feel Like a Woman'! :) I'm also a bit of a gamer, usually playing first person, action or post apocalypse themed games on my PS4.

Being Transgender

It's a delicate balancing act, and one that I just can't get right. I've wanted to be a woman almost all of my life, and when something reminds me I'm not, it can really knock me down. And there are a lot of reminders physically, socially, mentally... I spent most of my twenties trying to bury it and it almost drove me crazy.

A couple of times I've seriously considered transition, but I'm not sure it's right for me. Coming to this decision doesn't stop the Dysphoria though. Whenever I see someone that looks or acts or is experiencing something I could picture I would be if I was female, sometimes I can just ignore it. But mostly it make can me feel miserable, jealous and envious among other things, which over time can get quite depressing.

I don't get out of my closet as much as I would like. I'm on the lookout for places to go and things to do that aren't just trans nights at a gay club. They can be fun but they are just a bigger closet, and I need this to be more real than that.