Ive actually been feeling pretty good for the past few weeks now, im feeling more or less back to my old self. I still think about my female side a lot but nowhere near to the degree or intensity that I have up until recently. I never bothered to make a new appointment for a review with my GP, but will definitely do so tomorrow. I dont think this is a permanent state of mind, and the counselling sessions might still be useful if the GD rears its ugly head again.
Ive still got a lot of leave left to use before the end of the year so I took the week off up until Saturday which is a good thing because I think ive also caught a cold. Great timing. Yesterday I spent just wasting a day playing Grand Theft Auto V and making music but today was when I decided to start getting my life back into order and spend this week doing some things ive been putting off for ages. So today I got started:
- Gutted my laptops hard drive to free up more memory, its been running on critical for ages
- Finally got around to installing Ableton 9
- Went through my old man clothes and binned loads of it
- Went through my girl clothes, binned some of it and tidied up the rest. Its been piling up in the bottom of the wardrobe for months, which irritated my gf
- Reorganised all my bedroom storage so its all tidy
- Finally ordered the lockable storage unit for the spare room to keep my obvious t-girl stuff in (wig, boobs, etc) which ive been meaning to buy since August 2012
Ive also got things I plan to do during the rest of the week too:
- Tidy up my sample library and filter through the junk I took off my laptop HD
- Tidy up the spare room/office/studio, bin all the junk, tidy the cables, and reorganise whats left
- Go through all my old music magazines and bin ones that arent useful anymore
- Get back into a grooming routine (shave regularly, pluck eyebrows, etc)
- Dress up for the first time since Sparkle
- Buy some new clothes for both man and girl me, my man wardrobe especially needs casual and work stuff since it hasnt been properly updated in a long time and I look like a scruff all the time
- Setup my website idea (buy software and hosting package, then try and figure out what to do)
Ive also planned to make a few changes to my digital life too. Its difficult to keep up with everything at the best of times but now im feeling a lot more upbeat I do plan to be more regular in a lot of ways. I plan to update this blog weekly whether I have any gender related issues to talk about or not, lets say I make a post every Monday night at a minimum and see how it goes. I imagine this isnt going to be easy since my life can be pretty mundane at the best of times, but we will see. I think its important (especially if I do have a relapse) to show the normality I have as well as the bad times, I know this blog can come across as just me moaning for post after post and I want to change that.
On the digital side of things I also realise it can take me a long time to reply to comments, emails and messages (sorry again Laura!). It can be difficult to keep on top of these since a lot of them can require quite lengthy replies and I often dont have the time to properly consider a response to all of them. I will try to be more prompt from now on and reply on a more reasonable timeframe.
I think ive realised that I need to get myself tidy and organised in order to keep myself in a happy and productive state of mind. Whether its the piles of magazines and clutter in my studio and on my computer, or the piles of clothes in the bedroom, or taking pride in my appearance as both male and female, it all adds up. I just hope I can maintain it.
Setting up a Website
So ive got an idea for a unique (I think) trans* website which I want to set up and plan to do so by the end of the week. I dont want to say too much at this point about what it is but at the same time I think I really need some help with it. I can buy a pre-made template/theme but the prices vary dramatically and have varying degrees of customisation, although Wordpress based sites look like the cheaper options but even they can go up to $150. I dont mind putting the money down but want to make sure itll do what I want it to, it actually works like it should, and that ill be able to set it up ok. I could do with someone to bounce some ideas off, and also some tech support too but its difficult when I only know me, I suppose the other difficulty will be spreading the word as well. If I can get it off the ground though I think itll be a very useful tool.