I was meant to go for my follow up appointment with my GP last Thursday but the surgery called up saying it had to be cancelled because she was ill. I wonder if its something she picked up from work? I bet GPs take a lot of sick days! :)
So anyway, im waiting for her to get better before making another appointment, I could make an appointment with a different doctor there but dont want to for a few reasons. I dont want to have to explain everything again to someone else there, but also out of all the doctors that I have met at that surgery over the years she is the one I am most comfortable with I think. Thinking about it, I also wouldnt want to run the risk of coming out to another GP there and having that turn out like one of the many horror stories ive read about with people getting laughed out, being effectively told to 'man up', and so on...
I still havent had a letter inviting me in for the counselling, I need to remember to ask about that when I go in for my next GP appointment, its been a while now. Plus, im curious if the counsellor is male or female, I need to make sure I ask about this too. Im not sure I would be as comfortable talking about it with a male as I would a female for some reason.
I started to feel like the anti depressants finally tailed off about a week or two ago, and I can totally notice the difference. My mood has a lot more movement than while I was on them. Also my general mood is definitely not as low as it was before starting them, nor is this whole TG thing as obsessive as it has been previously, but I still have my moments. This is something ive noticed over the years. Im not a
total depressive all the time (as much as this blog may say
otherwise) but it definitely comes in phases that can last quite a long
time. And each phase can be lower or higher than the last, although recently they have been plumbing new depths. Is it hormonal? Seasonal? Is it something to do with my star sign? Who knows.
Today though has been a bit different. Ive actually been pretty good, ive been my socialable old silly self. I mean, when I have my low moments I usually dont show it (although I did have a wobble in work the other day and had a go at one of my team for something minor), im still chatty and I still smile a lot and have a joke, but im not silly. Theres just something about the way my head thinks that makes me behave differently, and I havent been this way for a long time.
I dont know, its difficult to put into words really. I wonder if it will last.