Today was the day where I finally got out of my rut and dressed up for the first time since mid July. For the de-fuzzing of body hair I decided to give Veet another go, although this time I did things a little differently. I trimmed all of my body hair back with some clippers first of all so it was relatively short, and then pasted the Veet on and stuck to the 4-6 minutes it recommends on the bottle and while the results werent perfect they were a lot better than the first (and only time) I used it. Not only that, but I didnt go over it with a razor this time (I hardly needed to) and I have no reaction at all. Last years problem must have been because I went over it again. It still misses a bit of stubble in places (most annoyingly on the chest and belly) but im pretty happy with the results, and will probably continue to use it in future.
So yes, today has been spent with me trying on all the clothes ive bought over the past few months, as well as a few new items too and for the most part im very happy with what ive bought. I spent quite a bit of time in front of the camera but the lighting was not the best, and I didnt realise this until I went to have a look at what I had taken. Ive uploaded a few to this post because I wanted to show my outfits. but im really not happy with the shadows in the background at all, or my Simpsons-esque face. Ah well, lesson learned, ill have to try something different next time.I spent a lot of time on the phone with my mum this evening (which was made weird by the fact I was dressed up at the time). Now, I dont live anywhere near home so see the family rarely, but a few times a year we phone each other to keep in touch. I never really bother with aunties or cousins, or even my brother, but mum and dad do get the occasional call. Tonights 2 hour call was a little different, rather than the usual light hearted chit chat ant catching up, it got quite emotional. I wont go into detail but we talked a lot about me growing up, events that our family went through over the years, the worries she had at certain points, fear that I was distancing myself from her when I moved away, and so on. The part that struck out for me though was that she said that no matter what happened or how I turned out, she would still love me. She said a scenario that a friend gave her to test that was "what if he turned out to be a serial killer", her answer was "id visit him in prison". All I could think all the way through this was "tell her your trans, tell her now, this is it!", of course I didnt though. I really wish I did, I so badly want to tell her about this but I just cant find a good enough reason to justify the risk of doing so, plus I have to think how this would effect my gf too.
Right, either tomorrow or the day after I will be off to meet up with my gf at her parents for the annual Christmas visit. I hate Christmas, I hate everything about it but my gf and her family love it so I get dragged up there and have to put up with the festivities for a few days. Presents aside, im not going to be having fun at all.
For those of you that do enjoy it though, have a Happy Christmas and if I dont post before, have a Happy New Year too!
I am very glad that you have shaken the cobwebs off your wardrobe. I know its a drag sometimes that we are who we are but denying it will never make it go away or easier for that matter. You look lovely by the way,
ReplyDeleteAs for your mother - do you think she was trying to understand what's troubling you? You know she sounds like a mum that would be caring and lovely if you came out to her. I know I was worried about my mums reaction but I should have had more faith. Its the best thing I have ever done - yes I poured my heart out but that for me was closure for so much of my childhood sadness. Perhaps your mum is trying to find away to help you - maybe its something that might help ?
Take care of yourself and I hope that your Christmas is better than you fear. Perhaps we owe it to our nearest and dearest to paint on a smile even when we don't feel it?
Hey Becca. No, I dont think mum was trying to understand my troubles. To put things into a bit more context, we rarely speak and the conversation is usually fairly light hearted so she isnt really aware of the extent of what ive been going through. I think its more because since I moved away 10 years ago we only really speak a few times a year, and I dont want to go into details of family history but she thought I was escaping things so when I left she just left me to it, and now I think she is trying to reconnect with me again. Like I said, the people in my family dont usually talk about emotional stuff but this phone call was something else, and would have been a perfect opportunity to out myself. I dont know, I might talk to my gf about it, see what she thinks. In my current position I just dont think there would be enough to gain from it.
DeleteThank you. Xmas was ok, I painted on a brave face as much as I could! I hope you had a really good one though! :)
Yay Aimee, I'm glad you finally got around to expressing this part of yourself again! You look very cute too, especially that first picture.
ReplyDeleteTelling your mother is certainly something to consider. Have you discussed that possibility with your girlfriend?
I hope your Christmas was at least tolerable! :)
Thanks Ashley! :)
DeleteI havent discussed it with her but I think i kind of know what her answer will be already. Im not even totally sold on the idea myself to be honest. What my mum doesnt know cant hurt her.....
Haha, xmas was tolerable, barely! x