I dont really have time to post properly since I have work first thing in the morning, but I just wanted to get a quick thing down for future pondering, brought on by a recent message from a friend.
Part of my conversation with my mum the other day was around regret, where we talked about the one and only thing she regrets in her life (which I wont be going into on here), of course the conversation turned to me and she asked if I have any. My answer was vague and along the lines of none really, and then I steered it towards the little intense things I used to get that were tied in with my depression last year. But of course, me having no regrets is a lie.
I do. I have massive regrets, lots of them, and lots of trans ones too. And one that has cropped up over the past few nights is regret about not doing anything about my trans-side when I started to become aware of it in my teens. Regret that I didnt go to my doctor and tell them of my desire to change gender, regret of all the things I could have done if I actually got of my bum and did something rather than be my usual lazy self. The things I could have experienced, what I could be doing now. It makes me really sad to think like this and every night over the past few days this thought process has repeated itself.