Thursday, 13 March 2014

All In The Air

I had my second counselling appointment today which got off to a great start. I was sat in the waiting room and just when it hit the appointment time the fire alarm went off, so they had to evacuate the building. As before I wont be going into detail about the session, but we seemed to mainly talk about how I feel about being trans, how I feel during my high and low moments, and my relationship with my gf. Afterwards I realised there were other points I could have made but didnt go into detail enough, so I do need to make a note of a few things to remember to speak about next time.

The problem I have is it is 2 weeks between sessions, and in this time I have to work which really does dominate my thoughts a lot due to the nature of the job, and the long hours. So when it comes to recalling thoughts and feelings for the past few weeks, all I can remember is work. I need to get a notepad I think and make some noted between sessions, to make it easier to recall.

On the Subject of Work...

I am so angry at the moment with work. Our shift patterns change every 6 months and every time it just feels like they have got worse and worse. They are due to change at the end of this month and they have finally reached a point where I dont think I can continue with my employment there anymore. I dont want to leave because the money is good and im not sure ill get near this pay bracket for quite a while, but I cant continue like this.

Basically they are moving me from 4x10 hour shifts a week to 5x8 hour shifts, and then putting us on a pattern which repeats every 4 weeks. Out of the 8 days off we have in this 4 week period, 4 of them are within 5 days of each other, the other 4 are split individually within the remaining 23 days of the month. We basically get no decent break for more than 3 weeks, and it is an absolute joke. Not only that, but 3 out of the 4 weeks we are on mid-late shifts, starting anytime from around 11am and ending at 9.30pm at the latest (for example:1100-1930 or 1300-2130). So, the days are wasted when we are scheduled in. There is no decent amount of time in the day or evening to have some time to myself. Because it is so long between grouped days off, this is just ridiculous.

Ive raised this with my line manager and he said there is nothing he can do (which I expected), so I will be raising this as a grievance with HR along with the other people stuck on my pattern. Theres so much going on at work at the moment and this just feels like another boot in the face while im down.

I really need to look for something new, im fed up of doing jobs like this. I need a new direction but have no idea where to start. Im not exactly young anymore (31, ouch) but need to get retrained in something. I was looking at IT jobs years back but im not sure they are as safe for a long term career as they used to be. I need to get another job in the mean time but im not sure I can face another call centre role.


  1. OI! Never mind not exactly being young at 31! I'm 32 at the weekend and in my eyes that's still young!

    As regards to the councelling, when I first got councilling back in 2009 I had the fortnightly sessions which I found more than enough. The sessions could be extremely intense and so they often left me a bit of a wreck for a few days afterwards. It's important not to push it but to take it slowly.

    In regards to job, I was just 31 when I decided to quit my job as a Chef. I'd been doing it for 14 years and I'd reached Head Chef but I decided that I'd just had enough. Now, a year on I'm at college and looking at Universities with a view to teaching! Trust me, if I can do it anyone can. It's just about taking that leap of faith which, being trans, you become pretty accustomed to taking x

    1. Haha, they say your only as old as you feel, and I feel old! Happy Birthday for the weekend though, have you got anything planned?

      Im not pushing the counselling sessions at all, I just worry that im already 2 sessions in and I dont feel like ive got anywhere. I also worry that im not able to convey what I go through effectively, I often find it difficult to recall feelings and put things into words.

      I definitely think im going to have go back into learning, although im not sure what to do with myself. Im still just as aimless career wise as I was when I left school. I couldnt go to university though, I dont think im 'academic' enough for that. Ill also need a job for the mean time as well since I cant stay in my current place anymore, im tired of giving 110% and getting kicked in the teeth for it. I might just have to take the pay cut and get a basic job somewhere. Im glad that things are going so well for you though! :)

  2. 31...? No, pretty sure... Ah, no, it's gone. I don't remember that age ;-)

    The counselling can be tricky and I do wonder if big gaps between sessions helps or hinders. Maybe a 'mood book' would be helpful, as you say. That or encrypting it on your phone, if privacy is a worry. Sometimes getting a note down quickly may help spot a pattern.

    As to IT.... There are plenty of jobs in IT and experience is key. You've probably got more skills than you realise and depending on which company you opt for. IT can be a long term career.

    1. Ok, 31 isnt that old compares to some people but im not exactly a young 'un now either! :)

      I did get ready to start writing all this down (including getting an encryption app for my phone so I could lock up the notepad), but when it came to it I wasnt sure what I was meant to be writing so once again I will be going largely unprepared to the next session on Wednesday.

      Outside of basic Microsoft Office experience I dont have much else in the way of IT skills, I definitely need to retrain.