Saturday, 11 April 2020

It's Been A Long Time

Hello.

It's been a long time hasn't it. I thought I'd check in and let anyone interested know that I'm still here, still alive, and give an update on what's been going on with my life.

I hadn't realised until now that it's been nearly three years since I last checked in here. More importantly, I hadn't realised that it's also been longer than that since I've done anything meaningful with my trans-life.

So back when I started this blog as My Gender Catharsis, I basically used it as a sounding board to try and help me to make sense of the confusing and conflicting thoughts I was feeling towards my gender. As time went on and I started being 'myself' more and getting out and about a bit, I started to feel a bit more positive about my life (not totally, but a bit). I actually had experiences to write about and it seemed like I was going to be able to get out there more and more. I hoped that this would continue, but it didn't last.

Real life took over. It 's slapped me around and has kept me far too busy. And because of this, I had to put myself back into the closet and have felt trapped in here ever since. I also realised that anytime I tried to post something on here, that I was just re-covering old ground. It wasn't fun to write about, I'm sure it wasn't fun to read, and it was depressing me more reading it back. So in the end I just stopped.

So where am I now? I'm still employed, I'm a recent first time homeowner of an absolute project of a house (which was not all planned for), and I'm still producing music to varying degrees of success (I've had music signed but don't think it's going to go anywhere). I'm no longer the svelte young lady I used to be either and lack the self discipline to lose the weight again (stupid chocolate), and I'm still plagued by anxieties that are holding back my social and work life. But with time comes acceptance, so I'm told.

With regards to 'me', I haven't had the time or energy to be myself in all this time. The endless internal monologue continues to plague me, but I'm trying not to let it get to me with varying degrees of success. It has been better over the last few months and when I do eventually get some free space and time, I may even get myself a new outfit (since my old ones probably don't fit anymore) and try and have some 'me' time again. I have no idea how or when I'm going to fit it in but I don't want to bore you with the details.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and are staying safe in these unusual times. I'm sure I'll be back again when I have something worth sharing.

x

8 comments:

  1. Keep writing girl. Your time will come. It's a shame to only show that pretty graphic once every three years :)

    Calie xx

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    1. Hey Calie. Ok fine, I'll scrape the barrel to look for something to write about, just for you, so you can see my blog pop up more regularly again. :)

      Thank you though, and thanks for mentioning me and trying to drum up some encouragement on T-Central too. It's appreciated. :)

      I hope you're keeping well. :)

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  2. Hey, welcome back and good to hear from you again. ♥️

    I hope things start to go your way more and if it's any consolation, given lockdowns there's a lot less T stuff going on for a lot of us.

    L x

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    1. Hey Lynn. Thank you and it's good to see you're still around as well. I hope you and your family are keeping safe and well.

      This lockdown is a bit of a crazy time isn't it, but it won't be forever (hopefully). I think I'm going to have to try and make up for lost time when our freedom is returned, and I'm sure you're thinking the same! :)

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    2. Yeah, we're doing okay. Asking a family of introverts to stay in except for milk runs or a dog walk, well, it's just a usual weekend for us :-)

      "...make up for lost time..."

      :-) 'Sorry, boss, I can't come in this week, I've got a serious amount of catching up to do. You know tea & chat, shopping, getting out with friends...' ;-)

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  3. Good to hear from you. May I suggest "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle. It's giving me much to chew on. While I don't share some of her experiences, as a late-in-life (trans) woman so much of what she writes about is directly applicable, possibly to many of us.

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    1. Hello Emma. Thank you for the book suggestion, the write up on Amazon looked interesting, maybe I'll give it a look. It might give me something to do while I'm stuck at home. :)

      I hope your well and keeping safe.

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  4. Hello let me say I have very much enjoyed reading your posts. Your story and mine are very similar. Your T History is almost identical to mine up to loving and supportive spouse part. Mine is still loving but not very supportive. Still, I get to dress every now and then and the self expression makes me feel wonderful.

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