Sunday, 26 August 2012

TS In Denial? Need Or Want?

So over the past few months I have spoken to many people who are at various stages of being Trans, from TV's all the way through to fully transitioned TS's. In this time something ive heard from a few people now is that from what theyve read I seem like I am a TS in denial. Many TS's who have transitioned later on initially thought they were a TV and only after coming out as one and fully exploring their feminine side did they come to this conclusion, so is this going to happen to me?

At the moment I see myself as a part time TV/CD, I dress because I enjoy it. I walk and talk like a man, I think like a man, im lazy like a man, but at the same time I have a need to express femininity from time to time too. I love being dressed up like a girl, it makes me feel good about myself, and when I see photos of myself dressed it makes me smile too. If I could go back in time and start again as Aimee, I would.

As far as I understand, being a TS is a 'need'. Its something which is and always has been part of your psyche. Its the kind of thing that when you look in the mirror and see a mans face staring back at you, you just know that is wrong. Ive never felt like this. For myself, I think being a TV/CD is between a 'need and a 'want'. I need to express my femininity, but I see going full time as a want. I would love to do it, and its something ive yearned and wished for very hard over the years since my childhood, but ive never looked in the mirror and not recognised myself. Ive never internally identified myself as female, ive just wished I was. Im interested to find out what your definition of TS is, and what the defining moment was that made you realise that is what you are.

Ive been trying to remember back to my childhood, trying to remember the feelings I had, why and when they started, and how strong they were. Its difficult because I can remember bits but I cant remember in what order which means they may be out of context. I may make another post about this soon, today I dont really have time.

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