Monday, 22 October 2012

Obsessing Over The Future

Ive begun to realise that I am becoming more and more obsessed with this side of me. From the moment I wake to when I go to bed, whether I am at home, in work, out and about, watching tv, in a bar, or even on the loo, whenever I have 2 seconds spare you can be sure I will be either on my phone checking in on the sites I am registered on, or analyzing myself trying to figure out where this is leading. If my mind is kept occupied its fine but as soon as it isnt it starts wandering.

Today ive actually been feeling a little low as a result of my analyzing thoughts. Based on the current boundaries my partner currently has with this side of me ive been trying to figure out what it is I want to do to get Aimee out there, potential challenges to achieving them and if I will be able to do them within these restraints. Some of the main TG specific things include:
  • Take hair regrowth medicine (Finastride) and grow my hair - Need to get prescription plus can be expensive, partner does not like men with long hair
  • Get manicure/pedicure and keep nails tidy with clear nail polish - Partner does not like the idea of me wearing nail polish on my finger nails day to day
  • Permanent hair removal treatment on face mainly and possibly body - Very expensive, partner does not like this idea of me having a 'baby face'
  • Change diet and do exercises specifically to improve feminine figure and movement (jogging and maybe something like Pilates) - Not discussed with partner at this point
Things like this are playing around my head over and over again and it frustrates me knowing that while I am with my partner im never going to fully realise the potential for this side of me. I know relationships are built on compromises and I really appreciate how much she has accepted so far, but I dont think that where I am now is enough anymore. I think im in a position where ive realised I do start want to taking this beyond my partners comfort zone, but im aware that if I do it will be the beginning of the end of our relationship, and this isnt something I want either.

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