Monday, 10 December 2012
The Absurdity Of It All
Ive also thought about the point of all this dressing up malarkey and have been thinking how absolutely absurd it is, and it amuses and confuses me. Considering I know that transition is not the path for me, what is the point? What is it that drives me to want to buy ladies clothes, put on some fake boobs and a wig, dress and make myself up and then get on with my day? If I could turn around and say 'this' is why I did it then brilliant, but it just makes no sense to me at all! Looking at it objectively just highlights the ridiculousness of it all. How can I expect people to accept me as Aimee when I am this pretend woman, a man trying but ultimately failing to look and act female, and also without a justifiable reason! Im not a woman trapped in a mans body, im just weird!
This realisation meant that when I finally managed to get dressed up last week for the first time in ages, and then my partner came home it made me feel a little uncomfortable around her. In actual fact, I felt stupid around her. I couldnt care less what anyone else would think but I do care about my partner and how she sees me. Im not sure how to deal with this at this point.