Monday, 22 April 2013

Finding Time To Socialise Twice

I realised over the weekend that I seem to be neglecting my real life quite badly. Work tends to take a lot out of me as it is, usually a workday is a total write off, but any days off I have I try and dedicate to making time for my T side. Lately though this hasnt been happening at all, once again I set aside today to try and dress up and once again something important came up at short notice. Its getting frustrating now.

The only time I have seen some of my friends is at events I have had to go to (e.g. weddings), but no effort has been made to see any of them at any other time, apart from once this year. There are other close friends (in fact, probably my closest) who I havent seen at all since January. In some ways I feel quite bad for not taking time out to catch up with them, but I just cant prioritise it over the other stuff in my life at the moment. However, the fact that I feel like my T life has stalled and also my real life has stalled just doubles the annoyance.

I cant help but feel that my social anxiety is in play here. I deliberately try and get out of real life social events, so maybe subconsciously im just not making an effort with my friends and coming up with any old excuse (time) not to get in touch in order to avoid social contact entirely.

My limited time outside of work hours is a real barrier, however could I make time to see people if I really wanted to? I dont know. Im quite comfortable with my hermit lifestyle at the moment, although im still keen to get out there as Aimee far more. Ive wasted so much of my life denying her freedom that I need to make up for lost time. I do know that thinking about going out as Aimee has far more increased anxiety attached due to having to meet people I barely know and who will unlikely have many common interests at all but the will is there to push past it I think.


  1. It lived like a hermit for 10+ years ... It worked for me but I can't help feeling that I missed out on so much.

    Very easy to be glib and say 'life is for living' but its not always that easy!

    1. Indeed, and it is that I want to avoid but the lure of being comfortable in my own little bubble is strong indeed. I need to start planning things quite far in advance so I am always aiming and looking forward to something, and can make sure I fit everyone in.

      Haha no it really isnt! :)