I realised over the weekend that I seem to be neglecting my real life quite badly. Work tends to take a lot out of me as it is, usually a workday is a total write off, but any days off I have I try and dedicate to making time for my T side. Lately though this hasnt been happening at all, once again I set aside today to try and dress up and once again something important came up at short notice. Its getting frustrating now.
The only time I have seen some of my friends is at
events I have had to go to (e.g. weddings), but no effort has been made
to see any of them at any other time, apart from once this year. There
are other close friends (in fact, probably my closest) who I havent seen
at all since January. In some ways I feel quite bad for not taking time
out to catch up with them, but I just cant prioritise it over the other
stuff in my life at the moment. However, the fact that I feel like my T
life has stalled and also my real life has stalled just doubles the
I cant help but feel that my social anxiety
is in play here. I deliberately try and get out of real life social
events, so maybe subconsciously im just not making an effort with my
friends and coming up with any old excuse (time) not to get in touch in
order to avoid social contact entirely.
My limited time
outside of work hours is a real barrier, however could I make time to
see people if I really wanted to? I dont know. Im quite comfortable with
my hermit lifestyle at the moment, although im still keen to get out
there as Aimee far more. Ive wasted so much of my life denying her
freedom that I need to make up for lost time. I do know that thinking
about going out as Aimee has far more increased anxiety attached due to
having to meet people I barely know and who will unlikely have many
common interests at all but the will is there to push past it I think.