Be warned, im moaning again.
Its been a while since I have dressed up and im sat here dressed but dont have the energy to go any further. Im so frustrated with my body image. Ive posted about this kind of thing before but I dont care, I need to get this off my chest.
It started with shaving my face. Im actually getting pretty good at it now but my face is red raw with patches of shave burn I got so close, and there is a spot to the left of my face under the jawline where I have caught it so many times its just 2 big red balloons on my face, and once again of course I caught it. Im fed up of it, totoally fed up of it. I hate having a beard but dont shave for long periods because I hate shaving more! I cant win!
I bought loads of clothes from ASOS the other week (I had a voucher for 20% off and went a bit mad...) and I finally tried them all on today, and decided they are all going back. I hate it. My arms, my shoulders, my hair poking out from where it shouldnt. I had the big mirror in the spare room so I could properly see what I looked like and all I see looking back is man, and all the cute dresses (two of which I absolutely love) just seem to accentuate the parts I want to hide. Its saddening. The hair I can kind of do something about and my hips I can accentuate, but my arms and shoulders are going nowhere.
This has just taken all the energy out of what I wanted to do today now. Ive got some leggings, a dress and a cardi on and thats it, I havent done anything else and I just cant bring myself to do anything else either.
Fuck its frustrating.
Why couldnt I have been born a girl. Or even an extremely slim man. Im stuck in a vicous circle and I cant see a way out. Want to look like girl > Dress like girl > Hate what I see > Want to look like a girl > And on and on and on and on...