Friday, 16 August 2013

Demotiv-8 Upd-8

So the happy pills finally kicked in about a week and a half ago, and im feeling much better. The first few weeks were horrible, going through stages of feeling spaced out, not thinking straight, feeling up then down, and so on, but once they leveled out its a lot better. I still feel a tiny bit, I dont know how to describe it, fluffy? But I can work through it. Its odd, sometimes if something has triggered a low feeling I feel like my head is saying I should be depressed or miserable, but I dont actually feel it. This is particularly noticeable with the GD, my head goes through the thoughts but the bad feelings attached just arent there, mostly. I do feel a little bad on occasion but its nothing compared to where I was. The only other thing is the drowsiness, if I havent slept right or enough, where I used to be able to deal with it no problem for a few days, now it just hits me so hard. I just feel like napping a lot.

I went back to the GP today for my first check up since telling her and starting the anti depressants. It was ok really, the GD wasnt discussed much. She did ask if I had been thinking about it as much since starting the anti depressants and to be honest I dont think I have. I still think about it a lot but I dont think about it is as much as I used to. I took another depression test and compared it to one I took at my last appointment, and I have gone down from moderately depressed to mild. I didnt feel moderately depressed last time, I can tell you, but thats the result I was given! I have another appointment in a few weeks so we shall have to see how that goes. Im also now on the waiting list for a counsellor, but have to wait 7 months for an appointment which is a crazy amount of time but I dont really have a choice.

In other news, our kitten is one evil feline! He is now about 3 months old, and I am absolutely covered in scratches. Hands, arms, legs, feet, everywhere. And this morning it clawed my head while I was sleeping because my gf left the bedroom door open while she was getting ready for work, and I am left with a nice long scratch on my face. Thanks. Its nice and cute for about 5 minutes a day, the rest it just runs around and attacks everything. So annoying!


  1. It sounds like things are getting better, which - if I may say - is really good news.

    Was the test the one they grade out of 21? It seems a funny way of scoring it, but hey, if it means you're not told to p*ss off, cheer up and book a holiday, I ain't going to knock it. :-)

    The tiredness is a funny thing and I think the anti-miserablist tablets affect us all differently. I've heard it said that the tiredness can be partly due to your mind working overtime - trying to find a solution of you being unhappy. So begins the downward spiral. :-)

    The counselling wait.... I'll be honest and say, I was with you on not liking the wait. But.... :-) .... my doctor said that if you go too soon, it can be really hard on you and you might not get the most out of it. Impatient patient that I am, I didn't listen and went to see a counsellor at work. The GP was right. I got more out of the CBT sessions after my depression had started to lift. They [CBT] were not easy, but long term, I have to say, they helped.

    Good luck with the cat. Perhaps some motorbike gloves are in order when petting her? :-D

    1. Yeah, I think it was although I wasnt given the score. I dont see how it can be an accurate measure because some of the things on there I dont think I had at all, but others were so severe something definitely wasnt right. Like I said, I certainly felt a lot more than moderately depressed!

      Compared to some of the other side effects of the happy pills (Fluoxetine), of which there is many, im quite happy all I seem to have got is the tiredness! Last year when I was going to see the counsellor after coming out to my partner, I ground myself down by overthinking about this stuff. Unfortunately, I dont think there is a solution other than learning to cope with it, and so far this has been pretty difficult.

      Well, im not paying for private counselling again so I have to play the waiting game whether I like it or not. Only 7 months to go...

      Haha, the gloves wont be enough, I need a suit of armour! I have scratches everywhere! :)

  2. I am very glad that they pills are having some effect. Its not always easy to admit that help is required but sometimes its the only way to move forward.

    As for for the counselling and the wait - hmmmmm that is not great but I can see where Lynn is coming from. I guess the ability to work through the GD issues would be easier without the heavy cloud of depression hanging over you.

    I hope that things continue to improve.

    1. Me too. Having dealt with depression on and off in various forms over the past few years now I think I just couldnt ignore it anymore. Especially since I dealt with a severe episode of work related stress (well, mostly work related) last year and have experienced how bad things can get if things like this are ignored.

      I also can see where Lynn is coming from, it does make sense. But, I do think 7 months is a little excessive. 3 months maybe, although I suppose it would depend on the individual.

      Thanks Becca. :)