Whats in a Name?

The concept of having a second name is more complicated than it sounds, especially when it comes to choosing one for yourself.

First off having a second name can imply a second identity when in reality this is not the case. Whether I am presenting as male or female, im still the same me in my head. But if I am going to go to the effort as presenting as a female, then a female name is required to fit the image. My real name could potentially be used for both genders if I wanted to, but I cant risk any overlap.

Secondly, its quite a minefield having to choose one myself. I feel I need to make sure that there is nothing relate-able to it because there will always be questions with how I chose it. For example, I wouldnt want to choose the name of someone in my family, an ex-girlfriend, someone famous for all the wrong reasons, or even a friend for that matter in case my girlfriend tries to find a connection that isnt there: "Why did you choose that name, do you want to be like her?". Plus if others found out about me, in particular someone who shares the name I use, they might come to a similar conclusion and find it a bit creepy.

Another issue is that when I had to choose my previous two names is that ive never really felt like any of the names I had to pick from were 'me'. A name is something you are given, something you grow up with. It isnt generally something you choose yourself.

So, the reason I am posting about this is I cant call myself Aimee anymore. Ive been thinking of changing it anyway for quite a while for various reasons (including I have a cousin called Amy) but I was a bit weirded out by a story I was told the other weekend, there are just too many connections to something I dont want to be. I might be over-reacting a little but there we go, it was the final push I needed to actually change my name.

This will be the third name I will have used for my female side, and this one I want to stick with permanently so im trying to think of the best way of coming up with a name. The obvious one is to ask my mum what I would have been called if I was born a girl, but I wouldnt have a clue how to bring this up with her without arousing suspicion. She can be very perceptive and as much as I have been thinking about telling her, I just dont think its a good idea. So the only other option is that ive written a massive list of names down, and removed those which to the best of my knowledge are in use by family and close friends, sound trashy, or have connections I dont want to be affiliated with. So far im down to:

Abigail - Or Abi for short
Kayleigh
Kara- Hmm, maybe not
Melanie - Mel
Sophie - Soph

I would have loved to be Becca or Hannah, but unfortunately those names are taken! :)


Of course I am still open to suggestions, im finding this incredibly difficult.