Well, ive just put my card details down and booked a hotel room in Manchester from July 12th to the 14th with the aim of going to Sparkle this year. Im actually feeling pretty calm about going, but for how long!
I can already picture what im going to be thinking over the next few weeks during the lead up to Sparkle. Im ok now but as the pressure mounts I can imagine something along the lines of:
Clothes - I need to decide on and/or buy 2 day and 2 night outfits for the weekend, plus I need to buy more shoes. Do I wear dresses in the day? Shorts? Tights or leggings? Heels or flats? How dressed up shall I be for the evenings? Shall I get my nails done properly? I need to get more accessories as well.
Paranoia - Will my outfits look ok? Will my makeup look terrible (this is one of my biggest worries!)? Will I be walking like a man in bad drag? Will I get mocked and laughed at by the general public? I dont want to be seen as a 'bad-tranny'!
Social Anxiety - Will I bump into people I know from online? Will I find common ground in conversation with them? Will I get on with them or bore them? Where will we be going? What will we be doing?
Ha, reading back the above does make me sound a little mental doesnt it, but I genuinely have minor issues with social anxiety. I had it really bad when I was struggling with depression last year and it is a lot better now than it was then, but I still have to fight it sometimes. Somehow I dont seem to have a problem with it in work where I manage a team and regularly have to deal with new people and situations, but when it comes to my personal life it seems more difficult to manage and I cant get a handle on why.
Anyway... Weve booked in at the Malmaison
which is a little out the way and a little expensive too, but it looks
like a really nice hotel. A lot of the offers available to Sparkle
attendees and closer hotels were already taken when I looked into
booking, I took too long making my mind up whether to go or not. There
are some cheaper places that still have rooms available but to be honest
it will be nice to stay in a nice hotel. They do have a spa there and
im considering booking in to get my nails done while I am there, ive
never had my nails done properly before and its something ive wanted to
do for a long time! Im sure they wouldnt have a problem with this!
Something I need to look at beforehand as well is body hair removal. My chest and the tops of my arms are very sensitive to shaving, and come up in large and sore spots when I shave them. Since shaving them a few weeks back the spots are still there, although I am currently covering them with Sudocrem every day (yes its for babies but ive heard it helps because its antiseptic). I think since its a special occasion im going to have to fork out to get my body waxed a few days before going because if the weather is good I want to get my pins out! I just hope the waxing doesnt cause a similar reaction!
Now then who is to say that you will find those people you m meet will bore you? I know for one I get social anxiety and I have no doubt I will be taking more than one outfit - it might rain!!
ReplyDeletePerhaps Malmaison can get a lady to help with the make up ... In for a penny in for a pound.
On the hair removal front why don't you patch test some Veet and see how that works? Smellier than waxing but much much cheaper.
As for paranoia ..... Just think how many girls are going to be out and about that weekend. You will be fine as we will be in the majority. Is this going to be a weekend without boy clothes ...morning till night?
The thing with the anxiety though is I know it is irrational, I wont know until I get there, but it will just play on my mind and get worse as the days go by. It does everytime I have to go somewhere. Ill get past it.
DeleteIt could be worth dropping them an email I suppose, who knows. They have a spa there and I was going to get my nails done at least.
I have tried Veet and while the patch test was fine, I still reacted the same way as if I shaved. Damn my sensitive skin! :)
Yeah it will be fine I know. And yes, the only boy clothes will be the ones on my back to travel down, apart from some clean underwear for the trip back of course. I intend to spend the friday evening and all day saturday dressed... if I go.
As it turns out, ive been thinking about how much this weekend is going to cost, and im finding it harder and harder to justify. £200 on hotel, £60 on train, £130 on waxing, £35-50 on nails, £? on clothes, £? drinks money, £? food money, etc... Even for the things I can quantify its still nearly £450 for two nights, its a lot for one weekend. As an alternative I know people that are going out for a night in Brum which I was invited to. It would be far far cheaper to do that...
Im going to have to think about this tomorrow.
I can't deny that I am going to spend quite a bit that weekend but for me the cash is secondary. The chance just to wander and do as I wish, with so many in a similar position I am hoping with free me. Still I do think its all about timing, I have had the chance to go before and past up the chance, this year the world has changed !
DeleteI hope, whether its Birmingham or Manchester, you get the chance to get out and about.
Becca
Yes, I have to agree with you. The opportunity to do this comes once a year and will certainly be the best chance to be out and about with minimum hassle and maximum acceptance. I think I need this to be honest. There will be other chances to go to Birmingham or Bristol or anywhere else at any other time throughout the year.
DeleteWell, ive just bought my train tickets and they are non-refundable. I guess I am committed then! :)