Recently ive been thinking am I just being too dramatic? Am I making the GD out to be worse than it is? On my better days like now I read back what ive typed on this blog and it feels over the top somehow.
This blog only reflects snippets of my life that are mainly related to my gender identity and expression, but as they are all in one place it looks like the whole. A lot of the time im able to get on with my life, sure the GD is still there bubbling away underneath it all but it doesnt stop me functioning, it just alters the difficulty sometimes as the levels of frustration fluctuates by quite a large amount but usually over a long period of time. Again, a lot of the time I can shrug it to the side and just get on with things but when I do have my low moments they can be really low. This is when I tend to post, and as such, this is why my blog looks like im just in a state of misery all the time. But those big gaps between posts are generally because ive just been able to get on with things and live a relatively normal life. And considering it can be weeks between posts, thats a lot of normality.
Maybe the anti depressants are helping in this regard, well they must be, that is their job really.
I speak about transition a fair bit on here, particularly when I feel at my lowest and most confused. Ive wanted to be a woman for most of my life, almost as far back as I can remember. It frustrates me that im not and im pretty sure on my deathbed itll be something I regret massively. But, deep down I just know its not the path for me, as much as I want it to be. At the same time, its difficult to make an informed
decision about where I want to go with this when ive had so little
experience living as a female, and this is proving to be a difficult
thing to resolve with real life getting in the way all the time. As much as I want answers now im coming to realise I just cant rush this.
In some ways im kind of regretting getting the GP involved now, but its too late for that. I still want the counselling in an effort to help me cope with it all, and going privately last year only got me so far.
I want to thank everyone that has commented recently and emailed me, the range
of advice and opinions you give really do help, and it means a lot to me that your willing to take the time out to share them with me too.