Well ive just booked my taxi to take me to the train station, the train leaves at 12.50pm and now its feeling kind of final. Ive packed my case and my bag, ive showered, shaved, plucked and trimmed, and now ive got an hour to burn until the taxi gets here.
Frankly, im crapping myself. I feel so under-prepared for this. I really have no idea whats in store for me this weekend.
I went out yesterday before work and bought 4 dresses with high necks in order to cover the spots all over my chest, I was quite happy with them and thought they would do nicely, until I got them home later that evening. One doesnt fit at all, there is no way it is a 12 I cant even shut the zip! Another one I thought looked nice in the shop but when I got home I realised I didnt like the print on it at all, it was too girly even for my girlfriend! Another one im kind of 50/50 on, I might wear it but im not too sure. And finally, one I bought from Dorothy Perkins actually looks quite nice, and I know this is a little trampy but I am considering wearing it on 2 nights because im just not happy with most of the outfits I have. If I didnt have these spots on my chest id have a lot more options! Grrrrr!
Im not happy with my body image, outfits or makeup, and my confidence has gone through the floor but im just going to have to go for it now. Im feeling pretty anxious about the whole thing now to be honest, but im too committed to back out at this point.
As much as I can appreciate there will probably be all sorts of people there who express themselves in all sorts of different ways and whether I look 'convincing' or not probably wont really matter, I still want to be happy with my presentation of my feminine self. Im not naive enough to think I am 'convincing' because I am far from it and I know that, but I still want to present myself in the best way that I can because I am going to be out in public, and I just dont think I am there at the moment.