As the very perceptive 'B. Strong' commented on my last post, ive not exactly been forthcoming with my partner about what ive been getting up to lately when it comes to my girly side. Its not that ive been lying, ive just not really been telling her about anything.
I didnt tell her before I removed my body hair, I didnt tell her that I had ordered new clothes, and I didnt tell her that I had planned to dress up last weekend. She confronted me about this yesterday, and clearly wasnt happy that I wasnt talking about it, and that I was keeping secrets. And even during this conversation I didnt really want to talk about it. Theres a couple of things going on here that means im finding it really difficult to open up about this with her recently. Ive never been entirely comfortable with talking about it anyway but lately this is even worse.
I dont really ask or need to know about everything she does, when she shaves her legs, or what clothes she is buying and why, or even what plans she has on any given day. Im a great believer in personal freedoms, I dont see why I need to check in every thing I decide to do with her. I dont do it (or need to do it) with anything else in my life, so it feels awkward having to 'check in' things I want to do with her, before I do them. But then over the course of the year, she hasnt exactly been the most positive
person when I have wanted to talk about it either. Her attitude changes and I can
tell that she either wasnt really interested, or wasnt happy to be
talking about it. And when I have brought things up like clothes, she shoots the conversation down. She hasnt really been very supportive lately, and again this attitude shows. This hasnt exactly helped with my confidence with bringing things up with her.
Thats not to say she has been entirely negative all the time, we still have had the odd joke over it and she has asked the odd question, but im in a position where I feel like if I do bring it up she probably wont be happy, and if I dont she wont be happy either. In fact, my confidence about showing her this side of me generally has just taken a massive dip. I feel embarrassed, I feel like I let her down. And her attitude with me is not helping.