Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Another Day Another Downer

So after my post on Sunday I decided to set aside Monday to get dressed up for the first time since my night out, and try and relax before my second shift back in work.

I felt so much better when I woke up on Monday. I showered, shaved, dressed and put some makeup on and just went about my day happily, seemingly forgetting my state of mind the day before. I really wanted to wear a top my partner got me when I came out to her because I hadnt had a chance to wear it yet, so dressed very casual. When my partner came home we chatted and watched a film together and I stayed dressed up all the way through till bed time.

I went to work yesterday and apart from a few nerves at the beginning I got through it fine. Got through the day no problems, no depression, and actually left work feeling pretty good. Today is a day off for me and once again I find myself in a bad mood. Ive been trying to think about what is causing my current state of mind and im not too sure.

When I got up this morning my first thoughts were to dress up again today, but im conscious of the fact that while my partner has accepted my dressing I dont want to be doing it all the time to the point where it starts to threaten her. So I decided against it. I know I need to epilate my legs again and I know ive got loads of ingrowing hairs I need to sort out, yesterday I was thinking about doing it today but all ive been thinking is whats the point?

My partner has seemed to link up my depression and dressing, when I have been down occasionally she always asks is it because I need to dress up and I always reply no. But is it? As far as today is concerned, am I annoyed because I cant dress due to some self imposed rule? I will admit there is an urge to dress up but surely my conscious decision should override this, its not like im being unreasonable.

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