Something ive been pondering recently is whether the urges and thoughts I have are a cause or effect of the depression I feel. If the depression is a cause of my need to dress up, then its most likely that this is my way of blowing off steam or having a bit of escapism from my day to day life. If the depression is an effect of me not being able to express myself, then my gender issues may run deeper than I thought. Of course im no therapist and I might still have gender issues either way anyway, but it makes sense to me.
I think this is something I need to think about and write down next time I feel down, exactly what was I thinking beforehand or earlier that day. Thinking back though ive got a feeling that the depression may be an effect. My thought process is usually 'Got some free time on this date' > 'I can spend this time expressing Aimee' > 'Look forward to it' > 'This doesnt happen for one reason or another' > 'Disproportionate depression or anger'. I cant think of a time where its a reaction to something bad happening in my life.