Last night I went to a friends engagement party in Bob mode with my partner. When it comes to Bob my usual dress style is very simple: baggy combats, tshirt, and chunky trainers. I do not deviate from this at all and wear it even to parties, bars and clubs. Now I do have one smart casual outfit of jeans, jumper and shoes and this comes out on the very rare occasions where combats just wont do, and last night was one of those occasions. I dont particularly like the outfit but it fulfills a need.
The reason im posting about this is because I got a few compliments last night about my outfit, and i felt a little uncomfortable receiving them. First off was from my partner while we were still at home and she said that I 'looked really nice' and 'sexy' and so on, and then later on in the night I also got a compliment from a friend who ive known for years because she has never seen me in anything but combats before.
Its difficult to describe how I felt and I cant really remember my thinking because, well, I did get a little drunk. But what I do remember is that I just didnt like hearing it to be honest. Thinking back to other times in the past where my partner has complimented Bob on my appearance its never made me feel good or even proud. Its just highlighted the masculine features of my body and reminded me of what I dont have. Even when im dressed nicely as Bob I just dont take pride in myself.
I dont know. When it comes to this sometimes im feeling like im making a mountain out of a mole-hill. Could I be over-analyzing every little thing looking for connections and meaning about why I need to express my female side? Its all I keep thinking about whenever by brain is idle.