Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Finally Able To Dress Up Today

I love my new dress!
Ive finally managed to get some time today to dress up and try my new clothes out. Ive been dying to try my new dress, grey opaques and boots on since I bought them last week but just havent had a chance. I also tried some new shaving techniques, new makeup techniques, and also trying something different with the colour corrector and my new MAC gel foundation which I picked up today. I even went so far as to shave my arms and legs too!

The lighting isnt great in here but I think my makeup looks fairly ok, its definitely better than I could manage before though. The blush I use is still too bright and obvious, I need to get a more muted colour I think. I also need to look more into what colours to use for my eyes, lips and so on to make sure it all works properly. I could ask my partner but she admits she is useless with makeup so its probably best to look into it myself.

I still need to work on my eyebrows although im not sure what approach to take. If I go and pay a pro to do it the change might be too sudden and people may notice. On the other hand if I dare to do it myself I may just mess them up. Decisions decisions.....

I made a mental note of what I was thinking while dressing up today because a few times recently ive gone to get dressed up but after getting my clothes on and looking in the mirror I would realise the uphill struggle it would take to get there and then get depressed, take my clothes off and then sulk.

So I was happy with my shaving job in the bathroom mirror, put my clothes on, sat down to do my makeup and then I was faced with myself again. The makeup mirror seems to pick up all the flaws my bathroom mirror does not. Every single missed hair, or patches of hair that arent quite cut to the skin, every single spot, blemish and vein. It made me feel dissapointed. Dissapointed that this is me, dissapointed that this is what I have to fight against every time I do this, and dissapointed because I realise that as time goes on it is only going to get worse.

So I fought through it, spent ages on my makeup and apart from a few errors I thought it looked ok if a little caked on. My partner said I looked really nice but im still not sure if she is actually being genuine or is just encouraging me. I hadnt actually given any thought to how I felt seeing the finished article which I guess is a good sign but as the night went on I started feeling a little down.

I asked my partner to take some photos of me because she did offer a little while ago. Im not really a natural model and she isnt the best photographer (shes rubbish and admits it!) so out of a whole batch of photos there is only a handful of useable ones. Thing is, I scratched off the majority of them because I just didnt like how I looked. My male self was too prominent or obvious in them, mainly in the face and that bugged me. I keep thinking about my body image and comparing it against the female ideal and I lose out every time. I dont want a masculine body or face for that matter. So after the photos my mood at dropped obviously and my partner was asking if I was ok again.

I dont have the time tonight but at some point I want to make a post about what im not happy about, what is fixed and what is changeable, what I can do to change it, and so on.


  1. The whole body image thing never goes away, even after transition. We all have this image of what we think we look like, what we want to look like. When faced with a mirror, what we see rarely lives up to what we want. It's just a fact of life I guess. There's a picture doing the rounds on FB that says it all. In the bottom half of the photo there's a skinny, fairly average looking lad looking in the mirror. His reflection is of a muscle bound Adonis smiling. In the top alf of the photo there's a beautiful girl with a lovely figure and long thick hair. Her reflection in the mirror is of an overweight miserable girl. It says it all I guess lol.

    For me, the worst part about the whole dressing thing was the moment I had to clean the make-up off. I used to hate that point because that meant tht I'd have to go back to living as a man.

    As for the eyebrows, a lot of salons have trans customers regularly. There's actually a lot of very straight, very masculine men who get their eyebrows done to go with their waxed chest and fake tans. Men being pampered and pruned is a bit of a thing at the moment so don't feel concerned about getting your eyebrows done. Just say to the beauty therapist that you just want them shaped but not too extreme.

    Love Em x

    1. Wow Em that was a prompt reply, ive only just posted this! :)

      Yeah I know what you mean and im trying hard to accept the cards ive been dealt, but when im comparing myself against a female image (maybe ideal wasnt the right word to use) and im struggling against typically male traits it makes it all the more depressing, especially when even after tons of work (well, makeup) its still visible.

      Ha yeah, i havent actually taken mine off yet, im still dressed up now. Got to take my nail polish off too which makes it more of a chore. Im not sure if I hate going back because when dressed im not 'living as a girl', im still just me but in a dress and makeup.

      Im not against the idea of getting my eyebrows done at all and am quite happy to go to a salon or something to get them done, but I dont want it to be obvious to friends and co-workers that ive had them done. If I did them myself it could be a gradual thing but I run the risk of messing them up. Hmm, ill be thinking about it this week anyway.

      Thanks for the comment Em,

      Aimee X

  2. Lovely photo aimee. I agree with emma, it wont hurt to ask about your eyebrows.

    Love Amanda x

    1. Aw thanks Amanda! :)

      Yeah it wont hurt to ask I suppose, I might have a look to see if I can find somewhere local to get them done at some point.

      Aimee X