Ok, so I can think about this in a 'blue sky' manner all that I want but realistically that isnt the path I am going to be going down. As much as I would like to live my life in a particular manner, I love my partner to bits and do not want to lose her, so ive been thinking hard about this over the past 24 hours and realised ive just got to accept my current state of affairs and move on as I am now.
All those thoughts and feelings I get arent going to go away, I just need to accept them as a fact of life and carry on as I have been while trying to not let them get to me. Im grateful that my partner has accepted Aimee and is giving me the space to explore this side of me, it is far more than most people have and I cant thank her enough.
Ive still got boundaries I want to push and things I want to do, and I still intend to do them. But I need to get over myself and just accept that in order to have what I want in life, im going to have to have a foot in both worlds, which means im not going to get my way all of the time and im going to have to learn to balance them both. This isnt going to be easy as this is pretty much how ive been living for a while now, but I need to get used to the fact that im going to get these thoughts and im just going to have to ignore them.
As much as it feels like im giving up on a dream, I should be thankful that I at least get to express this side of me when I need to.