Sunday, 22 July 2012

Today Is The Day

Well this is it. My gf comes back from holiday today and I plan to tell her about Aimee later on this evening. Ive got a letter all prepared (I will update one of the letters ive already got on here with the final draft soon) which outlines everything. Ive also got a photo ready just in case she wants to see, and ive specifically picked one which proves I do what I do but is of me not looking my best to make sure I dont play into any insecurities she may have that I am not aware of.

I thought I was fine with this but yesterday I was feeling extremely anxious and I am again this morning, im shit-scared! When I was speaking to my therapist the other day she asked if I was prepared if it went badly and told everyone, and I think I am. On the one hand I dont really care, truth be told ive never felt that close to anyone since moving here. Ive got plenty of friends who I get on with great but ive never felt like ive had friends like my best friends I grew up with back home, no-one particularly close. If they dont take it well then thats fine, they are people I could do without in my life. On the other hand I cant help but worry about what people think of me because of my low self esteem, and this is something which if it gets out will certainly change peoples perception of me sometimes in quite a negative way. And because my family, partner, friends and work colleagues are all interlinked, the word will literally get out to everyone in my life and there will be no escape.

I am aware of a lot of peoples preconceptions about why we do what we do, and I do have an opportunity to educate them about it, but its still going to be a massive upheaval and one that I am not looking forward to.

Heres hoping I dont chicken out.

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